Drawing blood

I got my blood drawn today. The last time I got my blood drawn was for our I-485 immigration applications which was two years ago. If you are getting your blood drawn, here's some advice. Try not to eat at a Mexican restaurant right before you get it done. My second recommendation is, if you are hell-bent upon disregarding my advice and intend to go right ahead and order a burrito, please do not order a side of rice and beans. Otherwise, you will make it a day to remember and blog about.

My wife had her blood drawn first. She emerged from the room, rubbing her arm. "They couldn't find a vein so they had to repeatedly stick their needle into me", she complained. Ha ha, I said callously, for I found the situation not lacking in humor. "Now watch how a man gets his blood drawn". I walked inside very casually as if to show those folks that I get blood drawn everyday for one reason or another. No big deal for the man.

They sat me down and stuck it to me. They began to siphon out my blood. And as the tubes started to fill up with red, I got the distinct sense that my life was being sucked out of my body. I could feel the blood supply to my brain being diverted into the test tube. And then, I had to vomit. I informed the attendant of my wish. I also told her that after vomiting, I would probably die and that I had not yet written my will and would she make sure that my wife got everything, except for my Wodehouse collection which should go to my sister? She said okay and gave me a bag. And then I let it all out. Burrito, side of rice, side of beans and two kinds of hot sauces, chipotle and habanero.

As I walked out, my wife took one look at my pale face and foam-flecked lips and asked me, "So is this how all men get their blood drawn?" Humbled, I accepted her sarcasm and begged her to teach me everything she knew about vomit-free blood-letting.

As a result of my last experience, I was somewhat apprehensive at today's blood-drawing. I said to the nurse, "Heh heh, you better get a bag ready because I've been known to throw up". She replied, "Oh don't worry, we will make it quick and painless". She stuck the needle into me and asked me, "Are you okay hon?" I said, "Yes, I'm okay, but it is when I see red that I begin to see white". She replied, "In that case, why don't you look over to your left. Look at those pictures of puppies and pandas and the baby bear".

I turned my head and indeed, there were baby animals on the wall. "Don't worry", said the puppy's sad eyes. "It's not blood, it's honey". "Give me that honey, shithead", yelled the baby bear. "Quit fighting you two ass-jockeys or I'll smack you both upside down", said the panda. Oh, those silly animals. They saved me from being humiliated again. I didn't puke this time.