Twitching eyelid

My right eyelid has begun to twitch in an uncontrollable and repetitive manner. It feels like a mosquito couple having violent but tender sex between the silky linen of my eyelashes. This is very distracting for me because for one, there are some things you just do not want to visualize, such as a pair of fornicating mosquitoes, plus the concern whether they are practicing safe sex, but primarily, it is a problem because it causes disruptions in my field of vision.

Since I consider myself to be an average person, living an average person's diseased life, I assumed that there would be hundreds, if not millions of people in this world who would be similarly afflicted by this malady of mine. And so, I climbed on to The Google to search for these folks and cry on their shoulder. Alas, I found merely one blog post. This guy. What was funny about this blog post is that some time in the distant past, the guy had written a blog post somewhat like mine, where he had complained about his eyelid twitching. And then after The Google found his post, he got a large number of hits from people who wished to learn more on the topic. But sadly for these people, the post contained not an iota of useful information either on eyelids or their twitching other than the author's documented history of eyelid twitching.

So then, compassionate person that he was, he decided to compile a post on eyelid twitching that would actually provide some rudimentary information on the condition. Kind of like the time I wrote an exhaustive post meant for the dissemination of goose-related knowledge to the throngs of goose-knowledge seekers that happen upon this blog everyday. But the guy's post appears to be a huge success, as seeing by the five hundred comments he subsequently received, all from people saying "wow I thought I was the only person who had a twitching eyelid". Talk about the ego on these guys.To be fair, there were also some people in the comments section expressing disappointment because as it turns out they actually had a twitching eyeball, which, again, is not something one would want to visualize if given a choice, but these were few and far between.

But coming back to the topic in question, it appears that eyelid twitching is called myokymia and it is a common condition caused due to excessive caffeine, lack of sleep, lack of vitamins or mosquitoes having violent sex amidst your eyelashes. I am not a coffee person, I take vitamins everyday, I slather myself with mosquito repellent and I sleep a solid seven hours every day. And seven more at night. So what could account for these twitches?

Then, compassionate guy goes on to tell me that my twitching could also be due to brainstem neoplasms, the treatment of which involves "lumbar puncture with examination of cerebrospinal fluid". I like the sound of that even though it sounds terrifying.

So anyways, I have decided to take two vitamins a day now. I don't think I will puncture my lumbar because frankly, I did a cost-benefit analysis and the results concluded that at this point in my life, a twitching eyelid would be preferable to a punctured lumbar.