Thursday, January 18, 2007


I cannot be entirely sure, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought I just saw a snowflake fall from the sky. If you are from the Midwest or the Northwest or Kilimanjaro, you're probably going, "Duly noted Sir, will that be all?" in that haughty high-society inflection of yours that I hate so fucking much. However, I would like to remind you that by this time last year, I already had a couple of pre-snowstorm blog posts, a couple of post-snowstorm blog posts and one nostalgic blog post about my near-fatal car-crash during my first ever snowstorm. And this year? Zilch. So this snowflake that I think I saw, well, that's a big deal now, don't you think?

And there are other people bemoaning the paucity of snow on the ground this year. Recently, I had a number of search engine queries asking me "why isn't it snowing in Pennsylvania" and "Why isn't it snowing in New England" and so on and so forth. I wish I knew, my friend. I also wish I could blame it on global warming and trust me, if I could come up with a theory convincing enough I would in a heartbeat, but the farthest I got is to where global warming melted the ice at the poles, thereby exposing the black pillared entrance to Jehannum which, as any theologian will tell you, sucks in all those life-giving storm clouds like a dessicated black hole.

I think I've been reading too much sci-fi today.

A couple of hours later....

It turns out that it is, indeed, snow. The weather channel opines that, "by tomorrow morning, it is not out of the question that there could be a slushy snowfall accumulation upto an inch."

It's as if the weather channel were gently placing its hand on your distraught snow-starved head and telling you, "You know, I really wish I could forecast more snow for you today but I am ethically obliged not to give you more hope than science allows me to, (sound of snow-lover gently weeping in the background), ok, there, there, how does this sound, by tomorrow morning's commute, let's say there's one chance in a million that you'll be seeing snow outside your window, (weeping intensifies in volume), oh damnit, what have I done, ok how about this, by tomorrow morning, it is not out of the question that there could be a slushy snowfall accumulation upto an inch."

See what the weather channel did right there, it added a double negative so it could pretty much have said anything it wanted to without being dishonest, for example, it is not out of the question that you'll be getting such humongous quantities of snow that you'll get snowed in and have to eat your own family to stay alive. After all, nothing is out of the question.


Anonymous said...

The weather this season has been plain weird. After weeks of spring-like weather, we got a couple of inches of snow today - the first time in the last 2 years.

gawker said...

That's our snow.

Gamesmaster G9 said...

Quit piling on us decent, hardworking Midwesterners, willya? We got our first snowfall since FREAKING THANKSGIVING a couple of days ago.

gawker said...

Gamesmaster : Oh in that case I sympathize. Not really though because we didn't even have that thanksgiving snow you speak so glowingly about.