Happy Back to Work Day

Wishing You and Your's a warm and merry Back To Work Day. Here's hoping that this week will see you want to kill fewer people than the same time last year.

Next year, before you embark upon your holidays, always remember to freeze your bank accounts, change your ATM password and swallow it. Tie that ribbon around your thumb right now so that you will not forget.

Hello New Jersey, I think I know you a little better now. Although I still am not a huge fan, I have begun to see what other people see in you. You are akin to that dense unshaven armpit, providing, like only you can, all the comfort and warmth the lice clinging to your curly locks so fervently desire. Shave off all that hair and the lice will have nothing to hang on to. Now it is difficult for me, a self-avowed hermit to appreciate the mental safety-net of life in a tightly knit louse society, but I realize that there are other people who do. Someday, dear Jersey, when I am tired of my lonesome suburban existence, I will come crawling to your fetid streets for company and solace. You will accept me now, won't you?