Since this blog is titled "A Goose Egg", there have been a number of websurfers who have happened upon it via search engines, looking for, among other things, facts pertaining to geese, eggs, goose eggs and things of a similar nature. The most common search engine term that has led (or rather, misled) people up this path has been "goose egg pictures". I have no idea if goose eggs are more photogenic than those of other birds (I'm guessing proud geese parents would vehemently agree) and if I would greatly increase my hit count if I renamed the blog "An Ostrich Egg" (just 'cause I think ostriches are cooler).
Then there are people hunting for "king point goose eggs", whatever they are. One fortunate individual interested in "geese and abandoning eggs" apparently found what he / she was looking for since he / she returned back for a second visit. I however can't recall writing anything on that topic except, perhaps, this post which, due to its generic arbitrariness, could be construed to pertain to any topic in the world.
Since this blog really has nothing to do with geese or eggs except for that one post containing a picture of some geese along with (pardon me if you're a geese lover) a number of choice epithets directed towards their kind due to their general demeanour and outlook towards life, I would like to thank the goose-egg aficionados who ventured upon this blog by taking a moment to answer some of their search engine queries that brought me into their life.
"what does a goose egg look like"
Answer : This is what a goose egg looks like in the earliest stage of its development.
The vivid likeness a goose fetus bears to a human one is probably the reason why goose eggs never became popular as a breakfast food item outside of the Ann Coulter fan community.
"I found a goose egg how do I care for it"
or
"How do I raise a goose egg"
Answer : Just like you would raise the egg of any other creature of God. Hold it against your naked breast when it is feeding time and smack it against the wall if it doesn't stop bawling.
"How do I know if my goose egg is dead"
Answer : This is kind of awkward. First of all, I'm extremely sorry for your loss. Before I reply to your query, let me just say that this does not, in any way reflect upon your parenting skills. Even the most obsessively caring among us have frequently lost our shelled progeny to the random machinations of nature. But to answer your question, your goose egg is probably dead if it looks like this :
"What temperature do goose eggs cook at"
Answer : Isn't there some kind of mourning period during which you are forbidden from cooking the same egg you were grieving for a minute ago? You know, I now feel sorry for that twinge of compassion I just experienced when I learnt about your loss. I didn't know you were such a callous bastard. But to answer your question, it is the very same temperature as that of the pitchfork Lucifer is currently forging in the fires of hell to mow your bush with after you pass on to the next life.
"How often do you turn goose eggs"
Answer : Turn them as often as you wish. Just keep a paper bag handy in case they get nauseous and need to vomit.
"What are the stages of development in a goose egg"
Answer :
Stage 1 : Two geese meet on a meadow. Mr. Goose tells Ms Goose she is so pretty she could get a thousand grown men shot in the face by mistake. Love blossoms, they get married and vow to waddle through life attacking shoppers together.
Stage 2 : Nine months later, the egg is born.
Stage 3 : Mama and papa goose have a fight. They get divorced and the egg custody battle turns ugly.
Stage 4 : Mama goose wins custody and being a single parent, is unable to care for her offspring.
Stage 5 : The egg dies, is devoured by a rattlesnake, which in turn is hunted for its skin and ends up on George W. Bush's watergun holster.
Stage 6 : George W. Bush has nightmares of fundamentalist geese strapping on home-made bombs and flying into the White House.
"How do I find goose genitals"
Answer : Wait for a sleeping goose to wake up. The first thing it will do is scratch its balls.
3 comments:
You are hilarious! (i mean it in a good way)
BTW, did you perhaps intend to say Papa Goose is unable to take care of the offsring? How many single parent Mama Geese do you know who would have let their eggs die?
Patrix : yeah, I'm guessing it would be kinda depressing too. Would take all the humor out of the post if it were to include people querying in to report their symptoms n stuff.
anjali : Thank you. See, for geese, the male apparently guards the nest, prowling around, aggressively attacking people who venture close to it. So in the absence of papa goose, it becomes difficult for mama goose to protect her offspring from predators such as rattlesnakes and Dick Cheney. Although I'm guessing that if had been the papa goose single parent, it would have been disastrous for the egg as well since male geese are probably not that good at nurturing and teaching the egg about right and wrong.
Ha ha ha! This is very funny stuff--I did indeed arrive here looking for goose information, and I have been hilariously disillusioned. By far the most amusing goose site I've found. I'll be back for more honking good fun. Thanks.
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