When I crawled into my cubicle on 2nd January 2007, also known as that day in history when the three wise men finally left Bethlehem, leaving behind a manger strewn with empty beer bottles and burger wrappers, after all the birthday presents had been opened, detested and regifted and after Mary and Joseph had realized that the picnic was over and now it was time to change baby Jesus' diaper again for the twentieth time inside the goddamned freakin' hour, I thought I knew exactly what those good folks had gone through during that hallowed period. It was Back to Work time.
It was then that I saw a fat envelope lying comfortably on my chair, addressed to me from the company. Hallelujah, I expostulated, raising my face to the heavens and giving the baby Jesus a look of gratitude as he lay on the miniature manger scene I had recreated on my desk out of toilet paper and nail clippings. It was Christmas bonus time! Maybe it would still be possible for me to accomplish my fourth quarter earnings goal of not owning fewer liquid assets than I had in the third quarter.
Fingers working feverishly, their dexterity seasoned by numerous encounters with their owner's bursting bladder, the envelope was opened and the contents of the envelope retrieved. Strange and bizarre non-monetary things appeared to be nestling inside. Things made of plastic that looked incredibly like a pair of cash-strapped hand-cuffs. There was a long rectangular slip and two circular ring-type things. Also, a piece of paper containing instructions in English, Spanish and the language of the fair croissant.
I followed the instructions carefully, exercising that same exemplary work ethic that makes me an outstanding employee. Rolling the rectangular slip and joining it together, I then attached the two circular lids at its two ends and presto, I had myself a plastic pen stand. Hey, a do-it-your-own-goddamned-self pen stand, just what I had needed for this holiday season, what with all my homeless pens and all. Into this newly assembled pen stand I now proceeded to stuff my broken dreams. Then, I took the baby Jesus out of his manger and finger-flicked him into the trash. He will, in all likelihood, grow up to be a troubled young man, quite possibly turning into a Marilyn Manson fan.
Where is this society headed, you ask yourself, when you cannot even trust fat envelopes placed on your chair during Christmas to bring you holiday warmth and cheer?
Update : No actual babies or Saviors of all mankind were harmed during the compilation of this blogpost.
8 comments:
:D
Ouch, that was a cruel joke!
When I lived in Europe, we used to get chocolates for everything. I would have still preferred soemthing more liquid, but it sure beats getting a pen stand.
Happy New Year Gawker.
Maybe it wasn't a pen holder. Maybe it's a beer stein, and they're getting you ready for a keg of your choice.
ROFL.
lol lol lol. :)
season's sympathies, gawker. :p
Better than my company, which did not give me anything for New Year. But hey, I run my company, so I can't complain.
anjali : Thank you, you too. Oh and it wasn't just a pen stand, it was a plastic self-assembly one. This story tugs at your heart strings.
robroy : maybe it is, maybe the keg itself will be next year's gift.
TGFI : thank you.
anurag : yes in fact if i were my own boss, i would probably lay myself off so i should probably be thankful im not and getting a gift is an add-on bonus.
ROFL! ANd when my own turn came, I said 'no thanks' coz the neighborhood second hand pen stand purchaser was still burdened with the dose I gave last year.
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