Hither, fox

Lately, I've been seeing a fox hanging around in my neighborhood. The other day it was loitering around the creek and today I saw it in a neighbor's yard. It's a largish animal and I don't know, it could quite possibly even be a wolf. Sure, the idea of a wolf lurking around these parts appears to be somewhat implausible, but so was the idea of a black man in the White House. But I'm hoping it's not a wolf. See, I know foxes. I am relatively well-versed in human-fox interaction protocol. If I were to encounter a fox while traveling through the countryside, I'm relatively sure how the rendezvous would go. Probably like this.

Human sees fox, is pleasantly surprised. Fox sees human, is mildly disgusted.

Human : What a gorgeous animal, what a perfectly marvelous example of God's brilliant craftsmanship skills.
Fox : What an ugly hideous creature, either God doesn't exist, or He was trying to make his ten year old niece laugh.
Human : He hasn't spotted me yet. Boy, I really should have pursued a career in the undercover arts.
Fox : Hello assface I see you, you are not invisible. Quit hiding behind that tree, you haven't got the physique for it.
Human : I wonder if the cute little bugger will allow me to touch him.
Fox : Why is the creature looking at me all creepy-like and...wait... oh no you don't, don't you even think about it.
Human : Here doggy doggy doggy, I have a bone for you.
Fox : Are you fucking kidding me? You ain't got no bone in your pants, nor are you happy to see me. Plus, what makes you think I'm hankering for some shitty old bone? Go try your lame-ass shtick on a stupid deer.
Human : Yes, I think he finally trusts me, I shall attempt to initiate contact.
Fox : I knew it motherfucker, this bastard wants to get inside my skin. Time to skedaddle. Good bye you ugly fuck, I hope you lose your way and starve to death.

And the fox bolts.

I can't see a wolf following a similar train of thought. I'm also not sure whether a wolf would tolerate an intrusion on his privacy in the same good-natured spirit as a fox would. Wolves are unpredictable. I wouldn't know whether to approach a wolf, back off or throw out a casual "Whatup, fox" to try and confuse him into an identity crisis. So I hope it's a fox and not a wolf.

I wonder how these animals breed though. You don't see many of them around. When they're in the mood, lady vixens must be finding it hard to locate a mate. I guess that's why they leave their scent on trees and stuff. It's the vulpine equivalent of writing your phone number on the back of a card. Fox goes sniff sniff, alright, my gal's asking me to meet her at Lover's Rock. Son of a bitch, I'm gonna get lucky tonight.

With human females, the situation is the exact opposite. Too many goddamn men around. Why would you even want to attach your scent to things when all you gotta do is say, "Excuse me, it is now time for me to breed, perhaps one of you kind gentlemen would be willing to offer some assistance"? In fact, that's why women use deodorant. To hide their scent and keep the men away when they're not needed.

So as I was saying, I'm gonna go read up on wolves because that thing is just too fucking huge to be a fox.