Fraud

I finally reached home yesterday late in the evening following a two hour journey by train because as I said earlier, the train follows a route from my workplace to my home that goes through Mexico (God how I love that joke as do you, I hope, because I promise to use it often). I had to use the train because my car was in the dealership.

And when I reached home I saw that I had a voicemail from Discovercard, asking me to give them a call because my recent credit card activity showed that there might be a strong possibility of fraud. I called up immediately because the voicemail was left by someone who sounded as if his dog had just died after swallowing a fraudulently used credit card.

I was connected to a guy who seemed remarkably chirpy for someone whose job was to inform people that somewhere in the world, their credit cards were being used to purchase silk underwear for somebody else's wife. My heart was atwitter and I desperately needed to know how much money I had lost and if I could get it back. After answering numerous questions in order to prove my identity such as name, social security number, home phone number, work phone number, date of birth, mother's maiden name, name father lovingly called mother when he wanted an omlet for breakfast and sister's favorite Johnny Depp movie, the topic finally turned to credit card fraud.

"Would you like to receive future notifications of fraud on your cell phone in text message form?" asked the tech support guy, obviously tickled by his role as Unveiler of Text Messaging Technology to the heathen masses.

"Fuck future text notifications, why don't you first give me my current notification of fraud in human voice form", is what I would have liked to tell him but instead, I just said "Sure" and regretted it in the next instant.

"Who is your cellphone provider", asked the TSG.

"Yargh Cingular", I said. Get on with it already, I said to myself. I could picture fake gawker ordering filet mignons and a round of beers for his criminal associates. "Hey everybody, drinks are on me", he was probably yelling at this very moment, waving my card in the air and getting a round of applause from the drunk freeloaders at the bar.

"Hmm let's see....Ceeeeengular......C e e e e e ngular", sang the tech support guy in a low melodious baritone, I couldn't help thinking, despite my predicament. "Ok here we go, Cingular, yes you're all set for receiving text messages now", said TSG.

Okay, maybe we could talk about the fraudulent charges now?

"Would you like to purchase fraud protection for only 2.99 a month?", continued the TSG.

"No, thank you, I already have fraud protection. Speaking of fraud ...."

"So did you receive a call from us regarding possible fraudulent activity on your credit card?", asked the TSG finally coming to the point.

"Yes, yes."

"Our records show a charge for $ 1780.00 at a Volkswagen dealership. Is that correct?"

Good Lord it sounded even worse from the TSG's mouth. An acute twinge of pain passed through my nose in remembrance.

"Yes, that was me", I said with sadness. Nothing fraudulent about that. At least nothing I could do anything about. But on the bright side, at least I wasn't paying for someone else's silk underwear and filet mignon.