Monday, February 12, 2007

What? II

It appears that sometime between my last linker error on friday evening and my first unhandled software exception on monday morning, I was nominated for an IndiBloggie award in the humor category. Both my blogs, as a matter of fact. I guess the jurors didn't want to cause sibling rivalry and bloodshed. (Which is pretty fortunate for you, goose egg, since the renegade of junk would have smacked your ass and then handed it back to you.)

These nominations, like well-designed enemas, give me great pleasure as well as simultaneous excruciating pain. The pain will follow from my sure shot miserable performance in this contest. And the Indiebloggies have this habit of rubbing it into the losers of the competition by providing extensive numerical information on how badly they got whipped. Like, they will say, blogger A won the category with 95 percent of the votes. Sometimes, they will even add an "LOL" or a "ROTFLMAO", depending on the extent of humiliation. And therein lies the source of the rectal pain.

Secondly, the other nominees for this category include the great bong. Now if you've been a follower of the Indian blogosphere, you will know greatbong as he who, if he had been blogging then and had decided to run for president in 2000, might have taken Florida away from both Bush and Gore. Resistance is, therefore, futile. Furthermore, after doing some quick blog-traffic-based calculation, it would be clear even to someone, say, from Texas, that it wouldn't matter even if all of my readers voted for this blog (which they probably won't), as long as all of greatbong's readers vote for his blog (which they probably will).

My only recourse, therefore, is to ask all my readers to vote for greatbong. Not only might this gesture have a microscopically slim chance of inspiring greatbong to reciprocate in kind, but it would save the votes of my readers from being wasted. And wasting your vote is the worst thing you can do in a democracy, as my mother let me know in no uncertain terms ten years ago, when I participated in my first ever election and decided to vote for that obscure candidate no one knew just because I felt sorry for him.

Thirdly, I was saving my campaign finances for the upcoming Nobel prize competition because the Indiebloggies are all well and good, but they don't put food on the table for your family, whereas the Nobels not only provide food, but also a table to put it on, a house to put the table in and an island to build the house on. And I do have a couple of great ideas this year.

Fourthly, the Indiebloggies caught me at a bad time. I should have been nominated when I was at the peak of my blogging career, which was that day about a few months ago when I wrote that really great post and got all those comments. Now, I feel like a pajama-clad housewife with acne and a fever with all her clothes in the washer who just got a call from her husband that he is bringing all his office friends over for a party in twenty minutes. I do not have any clothes to wear, and no time to put on make-up. That was just an analogy, by the way. I am still a man.

So basically in conclusion, I would encourage all of you to go vote for greatbong and maybe if I don't get a single vote, when the contest is over, they might be compassionate enough to not put up the trouncing figures for this category. Thank you in advance, jurors.

Also, if you are one of those undecided voters and would like additional clarification on why you should vote for greatbong and not me, here are some of my favorite posts from my blog. And now you know why.

By the way, just to be serious for a second, whoever nominated my blogs, I appreciate the gesture deeply. It is nice to know that you have readers who would actually spare the time and effort to do something like that.

Thank you. Really.


Anonymous said...

congratulations. I did not nominate you, and I blame laziness for that. maybe this will inspire you to post more regularly..BTW the link to greatbong's posts does not work.

gawker said...

It's not a link to greatbong's posts. It's a link to my posts. I thought providing that link would help you in deciding not to vote for me.

Anonymous said...

Is greatbong paying you to do this? In cash? kind? in any other way I don't or would not care to know. Maybe there are no ulterior motives here, just the goodness of your heart. In that case forgive my blatant cynicism.


gawker said...

Actually I'm just giving people a chance to bet on a winning horse. Yes, you could call it goodness of heart.

Anonymous said...

1 for the goose egg.

RobRoy said...

I would have voted for you, but your incredible powers of persuasion have, well, persuaded me.

Sinu S Kumar said...

interesting reading

Anonymous said...

I am voting for you in your respective categories - for both blogs. Don't blame me later. You blog well. You blog well even when you are half your best.

BTW, mine got selected too in the Sci/tech category. If you don't vote for me there, be careful with the Nobel winning thoughts in case it is in the Science category that you are betting with your couple of "ideas".

You may be in for a competition from a fellow indiblogger loser. And as you know, it can get a bit painful you know where...

gawker said...

bhad : no no, you will lose. But thank you.

robroy : I promise to use my superhuman powers of persuasion in a responsible manner and refrain from asking people to jump off cliffs.

sinu kumar : thankuplease

arunn : Thank you very much. You have convinced me into putting only half the effort into my blogging, going forward. And congratulations on the nomination, by the way. Your science week posts were excellent.

Also, no, I am trying out for the Nobel prize in the humanities. Being human, I am optimistic of my victory in that field.

Sunil said... was all fixed from the start. By nominating both gooseegg and renegade of junk, the authorities automatically split what ever votes you would get. Since your loyal readers wouldn't be able to vote for both, they will vote for greatbong in sheer frustration.

zambezi said...

if you win, are you going to become rich and famous? will you make some money out of this? has your ego been stroked? are you not going to pick up the phone when i call? does this nomination have any value to you? how does it change your perception to life? what am i supposed to feel for you? do you want me to feel anything?

gawker said...

sunil : I think you have it exactly right. Which is why I obliged them by voluntarily kneeling down and breaking my sword across the knee.

zambezi : If you look deep inside your soul where the tobacco smoke has yet to reach, you will find the answers to all those questions.

Jayarama Krishnan said...

That curious gawker must be an awesome dude, to be able to smack the ass of an (goose) egg and hand it back to the ass-less egg.

Congrats on the nominations! Signed up to vote, then realized voting for you means voting on a zillion other blogs I haven't heard about too. So the day I overcome my lethargy, your vote tally goes up by one.

And I mean tally for the egg. Not for the silent, ass smacking awesome curious gawker.

Anonymous said...

You pessimistic dude. You blog well man!! And I will vote for you

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

I voted for your blogs. Honest.

Or I would have, but I was sulking because nobody nominated mine. Honester!