Monday, August 31, 2009

God is not a She

I don't understand these so-called progressive women who like to refer to God as a She. Or the men who do it in order to get to know these women better. Ladies, I understand that you wish to rebel against this society of patriarchs by implying that the person who created this world is a woman and gents, I understand your deepest desire to get laid, but come on, by referring to God as a woman, aren't you really putting down the entire female gender?

For God is an asshole. The biggest asshole ever. Look at God's record. Doesn't matter which resume you are looking at, be it Christianity, Islam, Hinduism or Judaism, they all conclude that God is definitely a very shady character, prone to senseless acts of violence, has anger management issues, is needy, jealous and lacks any sense of personal responsibility. God even thinks menstruation is a curse and forbids you from appearing in God's presence for the entirety of its duration. Wtf is with that? By implying that God is a woman, what you're saying in essence is that these Godly character flaws are all feminine traits. Why would you do that? That will only re-empower the misogynists and the sexists and defeat the very purpose of conferring Supreme divinity on your gender.

To conclude, there are better ways of fostering a sense of feminine self-worth than cultivating the belief that God is a woman. Cultivating the counter-belief that God is a man would be a good first step. Men are assholes. Men wage wars and engage in wanton bloodshed. Men like to create stuff and then blow it to smithereens. Men don't have a green thumb and can never be left alone with any living organism in need of loving care. Men are afraid of menstruating women.

Just like God.

I rest my case.

27 comments:

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

YESSSSS!!
You said it, dood!

(Were you ever at the Kumbh Mela? Say, around 1923?)

J.A.P.

ggop said...

And he is back! Can't say anything eloquent but wish there was a "love this post" widget on blogs!

skar said...

God is a flying pink unicorn.

Purely Narcotic said...

Woot!

Ramya said...

Aiyoh!!There is NO GOD!!

Rahul said...

Great stuff! Please update your other blog from time to time too..I like reading your libertarian/liberal? views on US politics..

gawker said...

JAP : 1923..let me see...yes, I was 12 at the time and I did go to the mela to watch the naked sanyasins and yeah, I remember separating from you during that stampede and boy, you've lost a lot of hair.

ggop : Thanks, sure there is, it's the comments section and you're using it as we speak.

Karthik : Blue unicorn. with ginormous testicles.

Purely narcotic : Right backatcha.

Ramya : No? Why do people keep lying to me that there IS one then?

Rahul : Thanks man, I keep meaning to update it, but alright, this time I'll really do it.

Anonymous said...

Amen !

RukmaniRam said...

This has by far been your best argument ever. Against anything.

Rohini said...

Amen to that!

Bingo said...

Dude! You are just awesome man!!! Hilarious!!!!!

gawker said...

Thank you, thank you, may God bless you all, and let's hope he's sober as he's doing so.

sherene said...

Case in point for why men should declare God a man - look at the number of women swooning over you after you wrote this post ;)

Anonymous said...

happy bidday :) hope you have a beerful day and a rumfull night !
AD

Chimera said...

on a side note, itz ur b'day and no invite for sharing beer in downtown Philly? tsk, tsk...

Happy B'day buddy!

Pratik Stephen said...

LMAO!
This post reminded me of the Stuff God Hates Blog...
Check it out... Hilarious stuff!
: )

Pratik Stephen said...

The comments from "religious" readers & God's replies are too funny... don't miss those!

Manchus said...

Another point is God is a great multitasker like any other guy. Why is that guys always multi-task by watching TV with a laptop in hand/lap and also parenting the kids at the same time. Not to forget the dinner/snack they have sitting in the sofa.

Anonymous said...

the old testament god is angry, jealous, prone to mood swings, never forgets, makes sure you pay for every little error, demands constant attention and gifts to "prove your love" , keeps inquiring about family members even when you are "not their keeper".
I hereby rest my case.

S

amreekandesi said...

God is awesome! Therefore, must be a man ;)

zambezi said...

you are so awesome. i think i am in love with you.

Anonymous said...

you should write a book. maybe short stories.
or maybe a book of one liners. just a compilation of your twitter feeds ..
how are things, otherwise?
AD

KP said...

watching george carlin on "religion is bullshit" eh?


but for yr convinience, i got the idea for the comment from yr latest post (comments section)


in ne case if u havent watched george carlin , i say watch it...he is hilarious

also check out Flight of the Conchords...if u like musical comedy and guitars...they are hilarious

Mihir said...

http://is.gd/3CNm7

Anonymous said...

Wow!!! Awesome! Well all the points that you said making sense and are hilarious at the same time...I am not saying all, but for a second if we assume God is a she, then some things do fit perfectly in a stereotypical women on women crime kinda setting!:)

Anonymous said...

well said!

Ketan said...

I frequently refer to the God using he/she/it. And I am not bisexual, homosexuat, fetishist nor animal love maker. ;)

And why can't females be evil? Think mosquitoes.