Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Rednecks and hillbillies

So Bill approached me at work today.

"Yo, K-Man", said Bill.

That's what Bill calls me. By the time I had developed a dislike for this nick, it was too late.

"Yo, K-Man. I'm going to this bluegrass festival in the Poconos this weekend. Wanna go?"

"Isn't that like a redneck thing?", I said. "Tell me the name of the town, so I know where to stay away from."

"Why?", said Bill. "You know, you should really go, you might like it."

"Nah man, I said. "Most of you might not have seen an Indian guy before. I am afraid I'll be hunted for my skin or something. Maybe captured and locked up in a cage for observation. Declared a new species and pickled in formaldehyde."

"And if you're lucky, that's all they'll do to you", said another colleague who happened to be passing by. He left, laughing at his own joke.

"You know what I realized", said Bill, "I think you're confusing rednecks with hillbillies."

"What's the difference?", I said.

"Rednecks are racist of their own volition", replied Bill. "Hillbillies are racist because they know no better."

"Ah, I see", I said. "So you rednecks are well-informed racists. You haven't taken the decision to be racist lightly. You've given it considerable thought, mulled it over. Weighed the pros and cons, done your research."

"Exactly", said Bill. "Whereas a hillbilly is born into racism. Kind of like how one is born into a religion. Rednecks, on the other hand, are the free-thinkers of racism."

"That's a great way to put it", I said. "Nobody's explained it to me in those terms before. But still, how does this affect me? Regardless of the nature of your racism, I'll still be in danger, right?"

"Rednecks are harmless", said Bill, "The nature of our racist tendency implies that we are capable of making a conscious effort not to harm you. Whereas hillbillies will come at you like a bear after honey. It's a primal urge."

"And you're saying there will be more rednecks at this gig than hillbillies?" I asked.

"Yes, very few hillbillies in Southeastern PA", said Bill." So will you go?"

"Doesn't bluegrass involve those tiny guitar-like things that sound like someone strumming on his pubes?"

"Yes", said Bill. "Banjos".

"Sorry, I like my guitar heavy", I said. "But have fun. You gonna take your livestock along with you?".

"That's hillbilly", said Bill. "I take dead flesh".

"Oops, gotcha".


Bea Walker said...

Hmmmm...never thought well-informed and free-thinkers would be 2 adjectives applied to racists....what niceties of degree....and ewwww - you know about what....:)

ggop said...

Your workplace banter is way more interesting than mine!

Bhel Puri & Seekh Kabab said...

Brilliant! ROFL at banjo definition. Although I am now confused about "Deliverance" - I thought they were hillbillies in that movie, but there is also a banjo involved, so are they hillbillies or rednecks?

gawker said...

Bea : Well, there is always something nice to be said about the ability to make up your own mind. Even if is it to be a racist.

ggop : Yeah...luckily we dont have a water cooler otherwise we would die of water intoxication.

bhelpuri : Thanks. I think the banjo is coming to Hillbilly nation. It is fast replacing the pube strumming culture.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, are you guys hiring?


gawker said...

We are, actually. Sales position, primary requirement : questionable morals.