Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Mannequins

I wonder if mannequin makers feel suffocated under the weight of censorship. Mannequins are strange beings. Highly detailed in face, expression and muscular tone, yet curiously smooth in crotch and breast. To our religious leaders, mannequins probably represent the ideal human form : Uniform in nature, obedient to the point of subservience and a refreshing lack of pretty orifices or projections that could be used for ungodly pleasure-seeking purposes.

I pity the young mannequin builder, fresh out of mannequin-building school, who's been itching for a chance to showcase his skills to an appreciative world. But just as he is about to sculpt a voluptuous nipple onto the breast of his work, his manager rushes in and though bent and clutching his knees in exhaustion, manages to blurt out the words, "What.....the....fuck.....are...you...doing? Don't make her look so realistic."

Most mannequin makers, I am sure, will learn to squash their artistic impulse through the passage of time and the slow demise of creative brilliance that usually occurs at a 9 to 5 job. But surely there must still be a few out there, rebels who ache to let their fingers flow free, to breathe life into their work, to be true to their inner perfectionist by adding a labial fold here, a scrotal wrinkle there.

I hope they exist. And I hope they bring their yearnings to fruition. My dream is that someday, there will be a moment when a slight whiff of breeze lifts the skirts of a mannequin in a department store, causing a collective gasp of horror from everybody present. But as for me, I will stand up and clap. I will applaud the courage of the renegade artist who refused to let his art wither and die in the face of squeamish society.

I will applaud you, sir. And I will continue to applaud till they escort me out.

18 comments:

Shannon said...

Several years ago I managed a retail clothing store that sold women's undershirts. You know, the tight camisoles everyone wears for that sought-after "layered" look? Anyway, we ordered some half-mannequins (no bottom half) for the store front windows, and when we got them in we realized they'd shipped us the wrong ones. They weren't your normal emmaciated looking, flat chested mannequins. They had double d boobs and very prominent pointy nipples. Porn star mannequins if you will. I thought they were hilarious and we kept them. Our sales were through the roof. And we had people come in to our store just to take pictures with their phones of them standing next to the mannequins. So you're right, when a mannequin artist decides to make things a little more realistic, everyone's world gets turned upsidedown. People truly don't know what to do with it.

Anonymous said...

Funny! Been following your blog for a while now and you are one of the funniest writers (after Wodehouse) i've encountered..more power to you!

Rahul

gawker said...

Shannon : Perhaps you should look for the bottom half of those mannequins. That would shoot your sales even higher.

Rahul : Thanks, much appreciated, especially the comparison to Mr Wodehouse. I just hope he doesn't hurt himself rolling in his grave.

Anonymous said...

That was funny.
AD

Anonymous said...

i heart you as always..m on applachian trail too. hope to bump into you sometime.

mulcher

gawker said...

bhad : Thanks and if I somehow forget to wish you tomorrow, an early happy birthday.

mulcher : Thanks, really? Which section?

Anonymous said...

m in Maine, starting with Acadia..no car, bus no. 11 :)
its grey n green n nice.

A said...

Its interesting to know that someone writes about subjects like this, I am glad!

zambezi said...

what did you do over the weekend?

gawker said...

mulcher : You live near Acadia? That's awesome.

Anjoli : Yes, I'm filling the long-neglected slot of mannequin nudity analysts.

zambezi : I biked 6 miles and hiked 15 miles. What about you?

Anonymous said...

you are truly awesome...quite witty. i just love reading your blog.

sherene said...

You're a decidedly odd man :D And ever so funny, teehee.

Anonymous said...

i have the smallest crush on you.

do not worry, i admire impotently from afar.

gawker said...

Anonymii : Thank you, I accept your appreciation with humility.

Sherene : Thank you, I accept your appreciation with oddness.

Anonymous said...

hello... hapi blogging... have a nice day! just visiting here....

gawker said...

hapi

Bhel Puri & Seekh Kabab said...

My latest post inspired by this post of yours: "Mannequin veritè" - http://tr.im/tgyT

Tripti Chouhan said...

wow mr. gawker...intriguing observation i must say...
now don't you gawk quite a lot! (psst..pun intended)

jokes apart...you have amazing insight and an amazing way of thinking.
keep gawking.
keep blogging.
:)