I have a colleague who likes to say "cock and balls". He regularly uses this phrase as a substitute for the word "nonsense". Each time he says it, I have a vision of him scooping up somebody's cock and balls in his hand, kind of like how a good Indian housewife scoops up a lamp for the purpose of gratefully celebrating the awesomeness of her husband with it.
He is also a fan of dropping into my cubicle every f-fucking-ive minutes and just going on and on about shit. He sits in the next cubicle so due to his repeated invasions, I think I have developed this seventh sense on when he's gonna do it next. My sixth sense is actually my paranormal ability to turn on any television channel that is playing Seinfeld at any given instant. So anyways, due to the power of this seventh sense, never, not even once, has he caught me surfing the internet. I think I'm gonna use this sense for other non-office related activities, for example, when I'm in the Chandrapur jungle and a tiger's about to pounce on me from behind because I devoured the goat originally left as its bait, I can take appropriate evasive measures because I knew he would be coming.
This same colleague that I was referring to, had, in the past, developed this highly irritating habit. Whenever I was confronted with a problem of any sort, his advice to me would be "You know what we need in our software? A (problem) button." For example, if I was looking for my stapler, he would say to me, "You know what we need in our software? A "Find the Stapler" button."
Now he has moved on to a different approach. His latest solution to any problem is for me to go to www.(problem).com. So he will now say, "You know what you should do, you should log on to www.findmystapler.com". Oh he is a riot.
So anyways, like I was saying, this guy likes to say "cock and balls" a lot. That's all I really wanted to say.
23 comments:
no i write better than that guy. i have stopped after what happened to me last year. i will start writing again soon though.i lost my shirt with those shares. for now, you have lost your sleeve. it will go back up though.
The book I'm reading, on the first page itself it told me not to listen to stock advice from friends or family. I wish i had bought that book and read the first page before we spoke on the phone.
he he
it will go up again. why dont we go buy another 500 more? it will bring our cost average down. my wife wants me to do it.
So, what did u buy ? :)
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zambezi : Soon I will need to buy new undergarments to replace my 10 year old ones and I am saving up for those, so no. If you wish however, you may buy 500 on my behalf. If they rise in value, I will pay you back. How does that sound?
bhad : It was bank shares. Why do you want to know about bad shares? I will tell you what I didn't buy. Those would be the good shares.
was it bac ? eh eh
I know the thought process, becasue i have been there, but i have learnt that the best way to make money is to advertise your stock.
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No comment hehe.
So what you are saying is that this zambezi guy has been playing me all along?
Wokay then I shall advertize. It was BAC. Please buy it people. It is currently available at discount prices. They will also throw in a free noose if you mention my name.
in my opinion, bhad got screwed yoo.
He began buying 2 years ago apparently so obviously he got screwed. But he didn't utilize a friend to get screwed like I did.
yes, and with my calculations if everything remains the same, i will break even in the next 7 years.
do i see a disconnect between the post and the comments? or is there some sort of under the vision connection that i need a seventh sense to appreciate?
No it was zambezi who moved the conversation to stocks. The topic clearly was cock and balls.
last time i checked this morning, boobsiee lost his chaddi and you probably both your sleeves and maybe the collar.
anyways, don't you think its weird (and kinda awesome on my part) that out of the thousands of stocks i could pinpoint bac ?
oh, to stay on the topic, cock and balls i say all cock and balls this market is
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Yes...Did you lose your chaddi on it too?
The problem is that zambezi has a lot of chaddis and he is making a lot of new chaddis everyday. I have very few sleeves and collars as it is and new sleeve and collar acquisitions are not happening right now.
Why would you need a book to warn you about stock advice from friends, gawker? The Seinfeld fan that you are, You should just remember this episode.
BTW are you planning to visit Chandrapur jungle anytime soon and eat somebody else's bait? Where the fuck is Chandrapur anyway?
That's true. But if you remember, George's stock does finally go up at the end of the episode. I'm hoping this will happen with me too.
Chandrapur is in eastern Maharashtra. It is the site of the Tadoba Project Tiger Reserve. That is where I shall consume the goat.
he he. i lost more than 60% of what i put in 3 weeks ago. I could have sold my current bike and bought a Harley with that money. this is hilarious. i think i will stick to holding money in the bank.
The fucking thing is still going down. Maybe by tomorrow I'll have to pay somebody to buy my shares.
can i pleeeeeeeeease borrow him? my office seems devoid of any sort of entertainment whatsoever!
You may not only borrow him, you may keep him indefinitely. But be warned, he is high maintenance.
Any idea how credit crunch affected porn?
crazy idea i know but how do u think credit cruch affected porn?
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