Friday, November 03, 2006

FSM knows

As people might be aware, I am an atheist. Yet, that doesn't stop me from using religion-friendly phrases like "God damn it" or "God knows" or "Yallah" (I'm an equal opportunity atheist) during my admittedly infrequent interactions with civilization. The only exceptions are "Oh My God", its mutant brother on the internet "omigod", or its paraplegic twin "omg". But that's just because it sounds kinda gay. (Not that there is anything wrong with it)

Which is why I find it corny when I see atheists use the phrase "FSM knows" instead of "God knows" or "Thank FSM" instead of "Thank God" and so on and so forth, FSM, of course, referring to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, fictional heavenly leader of the Godless. Why, I wonder do they do that? For one, it's such a fucking burden on the tongue if you are saying it, or fingers in case you are typing it, with all those capital letters. Are they so paranoid and insecure about their atheism that they believe that even the mere utterance of the word "God" might cause them to relapse and turn into rabid believers? Or do they say it to reaffirm their Godless faith?

Or is it that they feel they are being disloyal to their atheistic ideology by using the word "God" in a sentence? C'mon people, it's just a stupid word. It's not like your use of the word is gonna make people think "Goddamn, that guy just used the word 'God'. He must be one of those religious fundies." For instance, when I say "Jesus Fucking Christ", I am not actually implying that Our Lord and Savior has a habit of fornicating with Himself. It's just an expression of acute frustration. Or disbelief, like the time I saw Our Lord and Savior fornicating with himself.

In fact, if anything, atheists should be using the word "God" even more frequently than religious people. Kind of like how black people took away the offensiveness in the word "nigger" by adopting it for their own use. Except in this case, they would be making something offensive by adopting it for their own use. "Hey Godlover", they should call each other. "Goddy God God, someone stole my wallet". "Wotup Gawd" could be the new hip salutation, heck, the possibilities are endless.

Uttering the Lord's name in vain, wouldn't that be the best way for an atheist to celebrate atheism?


Ashish Gupta said...

Interesting point. People have to treat these a English phrases with generally understood meaning and not link with each word's separate meaning. Also, I have seen atheist not capitalizing the g of God. I don't know where you fall in this case, but I would believe that that should be treated as rule of English, and nothing to do with your personal beliefs. If I not like George W Bush, does that mean that I would be grammatically correct in writing george w bush?

And I ain't atheist, if that matters.


gawker said...

ashish : Interesting point.

here's an excellent article about God capitalization. It basically says that the capitalization depends upon the usage of the word. As you will see in my post, I always capitalize God but now I realize I have to make sure I only capitalize when appropriate.

That's going to be a Goddamned bother from now on.

Anonymous said...

Oh. I'd rather use "dear dawg" or some such. It's a wonderful perversion, dawgdamnit.

Anonymous said...

no offence but is your wife an atheist too gawker?

the only atheist i have met in real life as yet is my project manager, his wife is a christian and hes cool with all that...also vows to give his children a fair chance to choose his or his wife's way, like his own parents had done when he was growin up...

amit varma said...

Nice post, Gawker. Actually, I've used "Thank FSM" a couple of times, so you might just be pointing my way, but I haven't done it for the reasons you surmise: more on a whim, because I liked the cound of it. I don't shy away from using the word God, and just did searches on my homepage for 'God' and 'FSM': 10 of the former, 1 of the latter.

And I get complaints because I refer to God as a She. Again, I'm not making a political statement there, just being whimsical.

Shouldn't read too much into these trivial usages!

Sunil said...

what about my belief in the pink unicorn?

Pink fucking unicorn doesn't have the impact jesus fucking christ has. Now, what can I say?

FuzzyLogic. said...

sunil you just pulled the words off my IPUdamned mouth.. IPU being the invisible pink unicorn. but isn't the pink unicorn so 90's?

Both the Invisible Pink Unicorn and now the FSM were parodies of the concept of god.

I guess its just about showing you are different than the "herd", probably smug arrogance play into this somewhere too..

Lara said...

Which is why I find it corny when I see atheists use the phrase "FSM knows" instead of "God knows" ...

Use of "FSM knows" by atheists (who don't believe in the existence of a deity) is equivalent to their use of "God knows" 'cause FSM is the deity for Pastafarians. Ain't it?

sugan said...

I'm a goddamned atheist and I make it a point not to capitalize god. But generally I dont refrain from sayin..OMG (see.see.. the capital creeps in). And FSM definitely does not sound cool.

RobRoy said...

Not all Pastafarians are atheists. I'm wearing full pirate regalia now and preperation for the expression of my choice of religion. The FSM exists. He is real, and I pray that you may be touched by His Noodly-Appendage.


gawker said...

fugney : dawgdamnit makes me feel like my brain is wrestling with my tongue.

chippy : I think she is somewhere between religious and atheist.

amit : Thanks, to be honest I think you WERE the first person I saw use this expression, but after that I have seen many people use it.

sunil : I think you misunderestimate the power of the pink fucking unicorn. I suggest you try it out on society first, gauge the effect.

fuzzylogic : i think pink unicorns are as relevant today as they were in the 90s. just like grunge music.

lara : i think your comment basically removed any remaining justification for the existence of my post.

sugan : I agree. If God actually cared about capitalization, wouldn't he have autocapitalized all my sentences in Microsoft Word? Jesus Christ, I just realized Microsoft Word is God.

robroy : That sounds vaguely obscene for some reason. But delicious, nevertheless.

Unknown said...

"I just realized Microsoft Word is God."

No, google is. Google is all knowing, omniscient. Heck, google even heals

Anonymous said...

Paranoid and insecure? Disloyal?

How about none of the above, and you are reading way too fucking much into it.

They say thank FSM to poke fun at all those morons who say thank God and actually MEAN it. You don't have to try to make things any deeper than that. JFC.

Anonymous said...

you guys debating over such a pointless topic is strange... like if you believe in God then abide by his apparent rules.. simple as that! If your of another faith or none like me then don't listen... just go on with your lives.
"Athiest" in this debate sounds like you decide to not believe God and pay him out whenever you want... if your athiest then it means you have no religion so leave those with faith alone.

Anonymous said...

"Wotup Gawd" could be the new hip salutation"

This made me LOL! Hilarious. I am guilty of the thank FSM thing I must admit!

Anonymous said...

I don't capitalize people who i dislike. ann coulter. see? i just did it. I prefer not to use christian-specific words because i like to affirm my atheism. Sometimes they just roll off of my tongue so easily that i still use them, like jesus fucking christ and shit. it pisses off my christian acquaintances, for great justice.