Morality

I really hate you. But I won't kill you because :

Hindu gawker : I'll be born as a rat in my next incarnation, which would suck because I am lactose intolerant and claustrophobic. Oh, if I could only digest dairy products and tolerate closed spaces!

Christian gawker : Much as I would love to, I do not have the authority. I would rather wait for our Lord, the Christ, to return to earth on judgment day and have his way with your sorry ass. I hope spiked dildos are involved. It should be fun.

Muslim gawker : It's Ramadan today and I am not allowed to kill you on Ramadan. Oh, I so wish it weren't Ramadan today. Could you meet me here again tomorrow, you think?

Buddhist gawker : Killing you would give me great pleasure, but since pleasure only leads to suffering, it would hamper my quest for a permanent state of enlightenment or Nirvana, even though I believe Soundgarden was in fact the best 90s Seattle-based band.

Jain gawker : My religion forbids me from harming living beings. You are alive, aren't you? Maybe if you pretended you weren't breathing for a second so I could tell people I didn't know you were alive and then I could jump up and down on your face.....Godamnit, you're breathing again. Ah well, I'll just go shoot a pillow instead. Oh wait, I can't, there's probably a bacterial colony living on it. Motherfuck!

Atheist gawker : I won't kill you because a> it wouldn't be a nice thing to do, b> It's against the law and c> Maintaining the integrity of this law is essential to my own survival.