Friday, March 23, 2007

I want this job

Everyday I pass this guy on the turnpike. It is the ramp from I-76 onto I-276 where they are constructing some potholes and narrowness. Everyday it is the same guy, a black guy holding a donut in one hand and a "SLOW" sign in the other. And as far as I can tell, his duties appear to comprise solely of holding the "SLOW" sign upright and preventing it from falling to the ground. I would like to have his job.

Of course, I am not claiming that this is all that his job involves. He also has to hold himself up and not fall to the ground which could be difficult if your center of gravity were to be skewed by a donut. Plus, I don't know if his job description also includes looking out for blind drivers who cannot read road signs and running behind them, yelling at them to slow down. But honestly, how many blind drivers do you encounter on the road in Pennsylvania, with most of them not venturing outside their home base in Pune, MH.

The reason I would like to have this job is because I feel I could do it better justice than the black guy. I would use the professional skills I developed through four years of undergraduate study and two years of graduate study and apply them to this particular career. If I were to be employed as a black guy holding a donut and a SLOW sign, and trust me, right now it's just a dream with no sign of ever coming true, I would first construct what we mechanical engineers call, "a stand", and mount the "SLOW" sign on it using what we software engineers call, hands. Then, after receiving a commendation and a salary increase from my supervisor for my out-of-the-box thinking on my first day at work, I would go home and consume the donut. That would leave me with fourteen hours to kill before I would have to go back to work and check for any termite damage to the stand.

Yes, I am pretty sure that I would like to apply for this job. Are these jobs on Someone please let me know.


Anonymous said...

You should go and talk to the black guy. In this line of work, contacts help a lot.


J. Alfred Prufrock said...

You get Better and Better.
But you may so get flamed for harping on the 'black' bit. What have you got against 'brown', eh?


gawker said...

naveen : Hmm, you mean cultivate a relationship with him that goes beyond "that black guy with the slow sign" and "that brown bastard who won't slow down"?

JAP : Surely you don't think I was being racist? I'm so color blind, white, black, Asian, Indian, Mexican, they're all black to me.

Kimberly El-Sadek said...

Those guys (and the occasional woman) make good money standing out there holding a sign for people to ignore. Of course they also are in danger of being run over too without much protection with which to defend themselves with. I know someone that this happened to someone I know.

gawker said...

lumi : This guy he stands behind a concrete divider and a donut so he has lots of protection and carbs.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you could even use some area of the "slow" sign as advertising space - let's say as in SLOW in learning english? For lessons contact - xxx . This could be a side business :p :)

gawker said...

twilight fairy : Or I could outsource this job to Bangalore where an Indian could stand by the roadside holding a sign and broadcast it to a plasma screen display in the US. The possibilities are endless.

Sunil said...

i betcha that guy earns more than I do, with my fancy phd and all that.

And he gets to eat donuts.

Sweet. In every sense.

gawker said...

Sunil : Yes, I say people who get to eat donuts at their job should pay higher taxes than the rest of us.