In the gym. Wife had just left the room to get a drink of water or admire the wallpaper in the ladies room or something of that nature. Strange old guy doing biceps next to me asked, "Is that your wife or girlfriend?"
"Wife", I replied.
"She's pretty".
"Thanks", I said, although I don't know why I thanked him, the correct response would have been to say wokay, I will go tell her you find her pretty and she may come thank you if she feels complimented.
"Does she wear glasses?", asked the admirer.
My wife was wearing contacts that day so I was impressed. Wow, I thought to myself, how did the fucker figure it out? Did he spot spectacle marks on her nose from this far? He must have awesome eyesight for a man his age. Or maybe it is that we glasses-wearers have a peculiar way of looking at things? Do we squint unintentionally? Are our eyes extra-large? Do our tired retinas give off some kind of bio-luminescence only visible to old people? Impressive.
"Why, yes, how did you figure that out man?", I asked, reverence dripping from my words.
"Well, she married you, didn't she?"
"You didn't see that coming?", asked strange guy number 2 on exercycle. "Thank you for the entertainment".
PS : By the way, I don't know if this was apparent enough because it wasn't to me at the time but what the old guy was saying was that the only possible reason behind my wife marrying me must be her bad eyesight, hence his guess. Also, the sky is blue and water is wet.
16 comments:
Am I allowed to laugh out loud? A small chuckle? :D
Much needed humor this morning :D
-gg
LOL!!! :)
anti - don't ask, just do. :p.
BTW gawker, I can make out if ppl wear glasses or rather if they wear lenses.. it takes one to know one :p.
and yes, a recorder sounds pretty appropriate.. the flute you linked to will sound like something in the clarinet/sax category..definitely more heavenly than a flute.. but then one's gotta see a lot of factors when learning an instrument. BTW my cousin also bought a second hand flute many many years back (cost him a bomb even then) and the same thoughts crossed our minds - "yuck" :p.
I thought wallpapers (in restrooms or otherwise) was so '70s - now you got me wondering...
(yaa yaa the interior decorator in me has woken up!)
I feel for you, fellow bespectacled sucker.
J.A.P.
Maybe he should have asked if your wife has a poor sense of smell? How about, "Is she slightly deranged in the head?" or "Does she naturally possess poor taste in mend?"
Those might have been less obvious.
You ad sense has a fine sense of timing too.. the last Ad reads "Harassed by wife.. Get free help and advice. Save the Indian family"
Heh :)
BTW what's with the industrial pic for a header? :p..
manufacturing goose eggs? :)
hehe :D
You are the funniest man on the internet, you know?
-Monica
Monica - Is that funny "ha ha" or funny-looking. Cuz I'd like to vie for the funny-looking title.
heheheh
u died or what? you did that 30 mile thing right? i want to do it too. from your house to wherever you ended up having a cold beer. lets aim for a date june end. i might need some training to even cycle that distance as i am so out of shape. but tell me if you want to do it. just you and me.
Funny 'ha ha'. Mostly i.e.
-Monica
sorry for the late reply. i was in a coma and i just woke up. i didn't pay my internet bill. i ran out of clean underwear. i was watching the Sopranos and got killed.
anantha : no. ok yes. no i changed my mind, no.
ggop : gah that runs contrary to my motives
fairy : i know how. check their bank balance. if they are above the poverty line, they wear glasses otherwise lenses.
chimera : they still sell restroom wallpaper here. maybe to keep canada from going bankrupt.
jap : thank you. i will now stop feeling for myself.
robroy : i did give him some time to go through his repertoire and decide on the most appropriate veiled insult.
vini : i agree with you. especially since everytime robroy comments, i get an ad asking me "are you gay? take a poll to find out"
fairy : it's actually a manufacturing facility for eggs, namely, a farm in Vermont. I was driving through this area and I saw the peculiar combination of landscape and light and stopped in the middle of the road to take a picture.
monica : come on now, that's like saying I am the only human on earth. All of you should be in a zoo by the way.
zambezi : your proposed date for biking keeps extending and extending till finally it will be time for us to go to Mars and as you know, no one can bike on Mars because there is no water there, only canyons filled with Gatorade.
lol, that was cheeky!
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