Saturday night saw me ordering take-out from the new Indian restaurant in our neighbourhood. It's such a great place that I've been going there every weekend with my wife and the guy has become friendly with me.
So we started talking and after asking me all the usual questions every Indian asks every other Indian he meets here in the US, for example, how long have I been here and whether I'm planning to ever go back and whether I'm gonna have a baby soon and if so, what would I be calling it and if it were to be a girl, he had this baby boy in mind who would be a suitable bridegroom for her and would I be interested and so on and so forth, he suddenly asked me, "Are you in the army?"
I was startled by this question and asked him, "No, why?"
He replied, "Because you always wear a t-shirt."
If you found this exchange a bit perplexing you weren't alone. I too tried to make sense of it as I stood there and failed utterly in coming up with a logical explanation behind his cryptic remark.
Then, I went home and thought about it for a while and now I think I know why he said what he did. See, the fact is, he probably looked at my 3-month-old-rigorously-worked-out-physique and deemed it worthy of being in the armed forces. So he asked me if I worked for the army. But when asked to explain his statement, he was about to tell me that he thought I had a great body, but then realized it would sound pretty gay and Indians, as a rule, are not a very gay-friendly people. So he had to think on his feet and come up with another reason and at that late hour of the night, all he could come up with was the fact that I always wore a t-shirt.
Anyways, that's what I think, if you have any other possible explanations, please feel free to elaborate.
16 comments:
Saw you obey all the (umm) orders through the windows?
you seem to hold yourself in high esteem when it comes to your body. i dont know understand why though.you are a scrawny indian- aceept it and live it.
Perhaps it was the "Property of the U.S. Army" printed across the front of your massive chest?
The olive drab hue of your well-oiled pectorials?
The M16 assault rifle that you leave in the umbrella stand when you come in?
hehe.. he wants you.
Yeah, that zambezi is certainly coming off as gay!
I second nocturne - plis to share the secret of your impeccable pecs.
Maybe you shouldn't have driven down in your tank. These are always hard decisions to make.
I dunno, 99.9% of desi men I know or have known never go out in anything but a buttondown or polo type shirt. Or maybe he thought you were gay and might be interested.
i dont know why robroy called me gay.
Its your hair. He typoed.
I did typo. I mean daellio. Mea culpa.
Damn. Where are all the comments from breathless FEmales who want a piece of your bod?
J.A.P.
got the message - u got a great body :)
Was he perhaps trying to say - because you always wear the same t-shirt, the one that says "i am in the army"?
neha : Orders? Which?
zambezi : If you were to see me right now towering above your midgety body, you wouldn't speak with such nonchalance.
robroy : that reminds me, i've got to get a new bottle of olive oil for my pecs.
daellio : you are not being very helpful.
nocturne : 36 gm protein in the morning, 4 gm creatine after workout , 40 gms protein at night, 5 hours of sleep. thats the secret formula. Also, lather yourself liberally with olive oil.
patrix : thank you. although this isnt my first time. i almost got picked up in manhattan by a gay American writer about 6 years ago. his book was on amazon n stuff.
anurag : it only looks like a tank because my neighbourhood looks like a warzone.
lumi : yes i used to wear things with buttons when i was scrawny. not now though.
zambezi : deep down inside you have an inkling.
slime : it could be that. but then he should have said that.
robroy : you were right the first time.
JAP : thank the lord i don't see any.
bonatellis : there was no subliminal message. but i do yes.
anjali : yes i should probably get rid of that t shirt. too many misunderstandings.
hey maybe he thought it was a tank top.
or maybe it was a prelude to the good ole 'is that a gun in your pocket or...'
whatever it is, dude, avoid this guy. if you have a baby boy he'll have a baby boy in mind for him too.
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