So then we had this intense little storm yesterday which took out the power. The balcony door was open and I was standing outside wearing shorts and my chest. I really wanted to go for a swim but they ask everyone to get out of the pool when it starts to rumble because as we all know, the lightning will always aim at the swimmers first because they are naked.
But standing on a balcony in the rain is just like swimming in the pool without all that urine. Unless, of course, you begin to urinate in which case you might as well be in the pool. But then the wind blew right into the apartment, and trees bent so much that if they were men they would have performed auto-fellatio, and so strong was the blast that from inside the apartment there was a large crack and my wife was pointing towards the ceiling just before she flew out the window and from nowhere, there appeared an opening in the ceiling somewhat akin to the gaping maw of hell, except it was above and not below, and then it disappeared. It was a trapdoor.
Now the question is, what is a trapdoor doing in my ceiling. Perhaps it leads to an attic. You probably think you know where this is going. Could there be a headless body in my attic? A skeleton chained to a chest containing my tax returns? No, I'm not going there. There are more relevant questions that need to be answered. For example, if there is an attic above my ceiling, and if I wasn't informed about its existence, does the space contained within fall under my jurisdiction?
Secondly, is it incumbent upon me to explore it? Would I be a pussy if I chose not to? You know, I would climb up on a chair with a flashlight and lift it up but I have a strong suspicion that Vin Diesel might be waiting in the space above to smash a flailing ball of spikes into my face just as it appears in the gap between trapdoor and ceiling. Vin Diesel likes the darkness. I guess no one here saw the Chronicles of Riddick. Otherwise this joke would have gone over much better.
Now I'm beginning to wonder if there really is a headless body in my attic. Life was so much better without an attic. I hope this apartment doesn't have a basement I know nothing about.
5 comments:
I did see C of R. Even if I hadn't the whole thing would've gone over very well!
Can you hear any banging or creaking noises from up there?
sujatha : ah great movie no? except it makes you wary of opening trapdoors from the inside.
mumbaigirl : i would be more than happy to hear banging noises. at least it would signify the presence of someone who is not dead.
Does that suggest that Vin Diesel, then, is dead? Or is he undead? Or is that just his career?
There are very few people who have doubted Mr Diesel's career and lived to tell their tale. Let us hope you are one of those. He sees in the dark have you not been listening to my post?
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