I created a Disney animated movie making machine

There's a reason why I'm not blogging as much as I used to. I've been working hard and trying to come up with a revolutionary new invention. And it's done now. I call it the "Disney animated movie making machine". Actually, it was very easy to make and you can make one too. In fact, let's make one right now. There's just one thing you need. An idiot. So go, catch an idiot wandering around the streets, any idiot will do, the only prerequisite being, he shouldn't be deaf or dumb. In other words, he should be able to hear as well as speak.

Ok, so you've got an idiot. Now, think of anything, living or non-living, that could exist in a colony of co-existers. For example, bugs, toys, fish, cars, anything, just think. Then, come up with an activity humans might engage in and think of the corresponding activity that animal, vegetable or mineral would also engage in and add a pun. Do it a few more times and set it to an orchestra score. And presto, you've got yourself a Disney blockbuster. Sounds complicated? Not really. Here, let me explain.

For example, take the new animated Disney film "Cars". In the movie, they show an old doped up Volkswagen van saying "Organic fuel, man, that's the way to go". And the spiffy new sports car standing next to it snaps, "Get a carwash, hippy". *Laughter*. See what I mean? Just as humans would snap at the organic "food" eating hippies in their midst and order 'em to take a bath, cars would hypothetically ask the organic "fuel" guzzling hippies in their midst to take a carwash. Oh goddamn, it is so fucking funny it's not even funny. Ha ha. And the beauty of it is that even an idiot could have come up with that line.

And that's basically the purpose of the idiot in your possession who is trying to escape from you even as we speak. Don't let him go, he is your ticket to the big money.

So now let's try this machine for ourselves, let's say we decide to make a movie about, say footwear. Why not. It's as good an idea as any. And let's say we decide to call it "Shoes". An animated motion picture about shoes. That's hot. A community of shoes and sandals and slippers living in the shoe rack in a big house and the shoes live with each other and run around with feet on their back and say amusing things to each other which is funny because they are shoes saying things to each other. Shoes usually don't speak.

So then there's this shoe who is walking around in a kinda preoccupied listless manner and he is asked by this other shoe, "hey what's wrong with you, you look like a...." and this is where you whisper into the idiot's ear and ask him what the shoe's gonna say. And the idiot replies "lost sole". He looks like a lost sole. Get it? The shoe. Looking like a lost sole.

This is where the audience will double up with laughter at the pun just like you did the day after you had too much sushi for dinner.

Ok, so we move on. Then the other shoe replies, "....", and back you go to the idiot for advice. The idiot says, "Ah put a 'sock' in it". The shoe says to the other shoe, "Put a sock in it."

*drum roll and laughter*.

God, this machine works just fine.

And then we could have a slipper as the love interest, you know, she would be flirtin' with the leading shoe and sayin' things like "......" Yo idiot, what's she gonna say? And the idiot replies, "Hey baby, let me slip into something ....lacy"

*drum roll and laughter again*

Haha lacy ... 'cause it's a shoe and it would be wearing shoelaces, fuck idiot, you're just killing me. That's half a movie right there. I'm gonna make a mint of money from this idea, to be sure.

So there. Now you know how to make a Disney animated movie. Go on, there's lots of avenues to be explored. A movie about birds, I wonder, it's kinda funny why they haven't come up with that one yet, then you could have a movie about say a grocery aisle and its residents and someone buys the soup and the ketchup goes on a mission to bring it back, or you could have a drawerful of cutlery and the couple living in the house has a fight and the husband kills the wife with the steak knife and the steak knife gets so traumatized by the experience that it goes into therapy and .. fuck it, fuck it all.

Disney should quit making any more animated movies. Disney should die and go away. Die Disney. Die and be trampled by a shoe. And "Hey", the shoe should say, "I Walt right over you". Walt. Get it?