In defense of camels

So an American colleague of mine sent me this list of photos via email of signs hanging outside this restaurant in the Pittsburgh area, called Casa D'Ice. These signs contain a number of profound nuggets of wisdom, for example this one, which says

It's time to bomb the hell out of Iraq, Make it a giant litter box, take the damn oil, bring our soldiers home, and outsource the war

or this one

This is America, Why must we press 1 to proceed in English

or my personal favorite

Dear Mr President, Piss on the camel jockeys, Bring home the troops, Leave behind plenty of bombs, They will kill themselves, That's their way of life

The restaurant appears to be quite proud of its signs, as seen by the fact that they also sell t-shirts with these signs printed on them. But I agree with them when they claim that the very fact that they have these signs hanging outside proves their open-mindedness, 'cause c'mon, that could be the only possible explanation behind the bizarre disappearance of their brains, which appear to have fallen right through the yawning gap in their minds.

Secondly, I am happy to see racist white Americans transfer their prejudice from blacks to Arabs. I was really scared there for a moment. Scared for America, I mean. See, if you want to be racist, you should try not to pick a race, the average member of which would have very little trouble pinning your ass to the wall in case of a barfight. And in that respect, African Americans were a bad choice. Oh America, surely you could have utilized some common sense in that regard? It's like shedding a life of vegetarianism for meat and picking the saw-scaled viper as the very first animal to prey upon. It just doesn't make any sense. Bully the Buddhists first, then move on to the blacks.

If I had to be racist, I guess I would choose the Chinese. They are kinda short in stature and I am sure, with all the weight training and stuff I've been doing lately, I wouldn't have any problem in kicking some major butt if it ever came to that. But I am not sure what to do about the martial arts crap. If the guy suddenly took out a pair of numbchucks from his robe and began to wave them around, I would probably have to reconsider my choice. All that whirring n shit makes me dizzy.

Secondly, since when did the term "camel jockey" become derogatory? C'mon, Mr Racist Guy, if you call someone a camel jockey, aren't you basically leaving yourself open to being called a horse jockey? And in my book that would be a far worse term of non-endearment than being called a camel jockey. 'Cause I think, and this is just my opinion, that camels are a far nobler species than horses. Horses are the fucking anorexic supermodels of the animal kingdom. All they do is run around and look pretty in a homosexual kind of way. Whereas camels are the John Waynes of the pack animal community.

Think about it for a second. In the hot arid desert where the dainty horse would finally have to resort to sucking itself off for liquid sustenance, the camel would be hanging out on a hammock wearing a sombrero and sucking out the liquid from its hump through a straw. Oh yeah, that's some mighty tasty stuff in there, he would say before ambling away for the next ten years without having to stop for water.

Secondly, there is a reason why it's called a cameltoe and not a horse-hoof. Horse hoofs are not sexy.

Thirdly you've got to respect the haughty disdainful look camels perpetually carry around on their faces. It's like they are saying to you, "Why don't you get on my fucking back so I can carry you around like a baby since you are too weak to survive in this inhospitable climate on your own? How I would like to spit on your face even though it goes against everything my mother taught me", although some of them do forget what their mother taught them and spit on people, most notable the llama of South America, which is kind of a bonsai camel. If camels were to be racist, that's the guy everyone would pick on so I guess it justifies all that spitting.

A camel's got to do whatever it takes to survive in a society of racist camels.