Where'd all the hair go?

I'm currently reading Jared Diamond's "Guns Germs and Steel", which is quite possibly one of the most brilliant and interesting books on the history of mankind ever written. So as is my habit, I now try to apply its principles to every day-to-day situation. The quandary I found myself mulling over today happened to be where the fuck did all the hair go? As in all the hair on our bodies. Where'd it go man?

See, the way I understand it, every little aspect of the human body has attained its current form through evolution. This means that every human physical trait that could have been disadvantageous towards the survival of the species got eliminated because more humans who didn't possess that trait survived to pass on its non-existence to their progeny. For example, the tail humans used to have till it disappeared through evolution. Tails were a nuisance. I remember when I used to have a tail and each time I had to run away from a rabid dog or an angry father, my tail was the easiest thing for a predator or an ancestor to catch hold of. Soon, I realized that I had to lose my tail or perish. And so, through careful evolution, my tail as well as the tail of every other human being disappeared because only those of us who didn't have tails survived. And so, our children, in turn, having received the tail-less gene from us, didn't have tails either. In a similar fashion, evolution divested Bappi Lahiri of the heavy-ass jewellery around his neck that had made it difficult for him to survive attacks from people he had plagiarized tunes from, and turned him into a bling-less comical-cap-wearing Anu Malik.

But now we turn to the more difficult question of where did all the hair on our bodies disappear? We all know humans were hairy monsters back in the day. Yes, even Salman Khan's ancestors, contrary to popular belief, weren't clean shaven. And now we are pretty much hairless. Why is that? I don't remember hair to have caused any problems in my survival. In fact, hair, if anything, was beneficial because it kept me warm during winters. Why then, I mused, might hair have disappeared through evolution? Why would something apparently so useful for survival have vanished from the human body?

And then, it struck me. Of course! Hair doesn't lessen your chances of survival, but it does lessen the chances of survival for your baby. That is, it lessens the chances of you even having a baby. In other words, what I'm saying is, if you have a hairy body, your chances of getting laid are practically non-existent. A long time ago, when almost every human walking this earth was hairy and there were only a few hairless ones who were the exception, those hairless ones got all the attention and the ass. 'Cause let's face it, people. No one likes to cuddle and spoon with a gorilla. And so, the hairy guys and girls could find no one to fornicate with. Soon they died out, a hairy, horny, miserable species and so did their fuzzy-ass gene. That's what happened to all that freakin' hair.

And that's why I am extremely hopeful about the future of the human race. No matter how ugly most specimens in our race currently are, in the future we will be a much prettier race, a planet of greek gods and goddesses so to speak, simply because only the gorgeous among us will get laid and live to generate offspring. And thus will human beauty multiply till some day the fair people of that time will look back at Hrithik Roshan and say, "Huh .... people thought he was good-looking?" And then they will fall out of their seats laughing at the ugly bastard and the concept that women used to swoon for him, but they probably won't cry out in pain as they hit the ground because of their hyper-evolved extra-padded buttocks.