Why I need to buy a really crappy car

You either own a crappy car or you own a decent car. People who own decent cars have a problem with parking lots. The problem is that people who own crappy cars park near their car. Since people with crappy cars don't care about their cars or other people's cars, they are not very careful about backing out of their parking spot and end up bashing into the decent car.

So people with decent cars try to park in a remote parking spot, a spot that has no cars near it. Especially no crappy cars. But this doesn't work in principle, and this is why. People with semi-decent cars that are neither crappy nor decent come and park near their car. They do this deliberately because they know that people with decent cars are careful while backing out, and you always want to park near someone who is careful while backing out. That is why people with decent cars lose on either end of the bargain.

My car got bashed in my parking lot and I don't know who did it. That's why I'm gonna get a crappy car to be able to park in peace without worrying who is gonna be the next person to bash my decent car.