Taking it slow

Usually my commute to work is a blur. I stay 30 miles away from my place of work and my drive consists mostly of interstate, passing through hills and woods and all that good stuff. But I never see any of that because as I said, it's all a blur to me since I'm doing about 85 mph all the way. My style of driving really leaves me with no time to sit back and enjoy the scenery, but heck, when you are speeding, along with the possibility of death or being pulled over, the adrenaline rush itself is worth it.

But today, after my car suddenly began to give off a strange squeaky sound from the engine, I decided to take it slow. So today I did a nice, comparatively benign 75 mph and took the slow lane all the way. You might say, buddy, what's the fucking difference between 85 and 75 mph? To you, I would say, sir, while 75 mph might merely cause my insurance agent's collar to itch uncontrollably, 85 mph would make him wallow in a fairly deep puddle of his own sweat.

But you know, it was worth it. For all my impatience with things not whizzing by as fast as they should, it afforded me a quiet moment to contemplate and look at things. For example, I never realized that the countryside I passed through looked so incredibly beautiful covered with snow. It was so beautiful it could quite easily make a poet out of anyone. And trees, man do trees, even those barren winter trees improve their appearance with a carpet of snow and icicles of, well, ice clinging to their branches.

And I saw a few houses on the side of the interstate that I had never seen. Nice cozy houses ensconced in the mountainside, deep inside woods, usually invisible from the interstate due to all the tree cover, but now clearly visible because of all the leaves having dropped off in winter. I wonder if these people bought their homes in summer, didn't even realize they live almost on top of an interstate and then come winter, one day they woke up and saw drivers peeking into their bedrooms as they drove by.

But when you are looking at scenery while driving, it's important to steer clear of other drivers who are indulging in it too. When the traffic in front of me suddenly slowed down for some reason, the guy in front of me who was busy gawking at the birds and the bees realized that a bit too late and screamed to a halt in a blur of smoke and fucking stupidity. He just saved a bunch of money on his car insurance even though he didn't switch to Geico.

And then there was another guy in the right lane who, regardless of the road curving to the right, continued on his original trajectory which unfortunately, as I predicted, would be taking him on a crash course into my car. But rather than alerting him to that fact, I just accelerated and drove past quickly. After all, if people want to die, they should be allowed to do it, who am I to dictate my terms on them? All we should do is get out of their way and allow them to perish in peace. And as I passed him, I saw that I had made the correct decision since he was speaking on a cellphone.

You know, when I grow up, I'm gonna be a steamroller operator and then one day I'm gonna just round up everyone who drives and speaks on the cellphone simultaneously, put a gun to their heads, divest them of their cellphones and ... just throw all those phones off a cliff, I guess.

But yeah, so it was a good drive today. Saw scenery, saw someone almost get killed, saw someone almost kill me and reached the workplace on time.

Public service message of the day : Doesn't matter if you do 85 or 75 mph, it takes you the same time to get to work.